I always make important life decisons in the middle of concerts

I wish I could make everyone understand how I feel about concerts, since live music is undeniably the best thing about life, in my opinion. I can't even explain how overwhelmingly happy I get from seeing a favorite band, or a surprisingly amazing new band, play music straight to me, while I'm surrounded by a crowd of people all devoted to one thing: soaking up the music, while blocking out the rest of the world.

When I'm at a show, I forget where I am, what time it is, or what I have to do the next day. When the beat is going and my knees are shaking, everything else stops, and all that matters is the distance between me and the band members on stage, as I sing the music straight back to them while being completely caught up in the moment.

I need to try to explain how incredibly happy concerts make me, because I tend to feel like this obsession doesn't make sense to most people. The need to constantly spend money on concerts and albums is obviously problematic to someone who doesn't have much money to begin with, but I'd give up food before I gave up music.

I mean, there are so many things that I love about life, but when it comes down to it, what matters besides music, really? To me at least, music is the center of everything. It's a way of showing faith, of expressing every emotion conceivable, and a way of reflecting every unique experience that one may feel no one else understands, except a favorite band who wrote a song that rings true to someone. Without music, my life would be meaningless. I'd have no beat to tap my feet to, or no melody to hum while walking down the street. My point is, music means more to me than anything on this earth, and I'm going to continue to live my life in a way that always has music at the center.

To transition... I've already changed my mind about my plans for next year about 50 times, and will probably change it 50 more times, but as of now, I'm leaning towards taking some time to do all the things I've always imagined doing, but couldn't pursue because I was on the fast track to graduation for the past 3 years. I don't regret anything I've done so far, but now that I'm a "real person," as people keep telling me, I think it's time to be not only real, but also true. Meaning, I have to listen to what I really need to do to be happy. And to be honest, I don't have a clear, set plan about what that will entail. What I'll probably end up doing will most likely not be logical, but when have I ever been logical?

Here's the thing: I'm 21. I graduated college. I just moved to New York. I have my whole life ahead of me. And I have a million choices to finally be able to choose for myself. Going to grad school immediately would be a continuation of the academic track I've been glued to my whole life, and even more, it would be a continuation of the comfort bubble I've gotten so accustomed to. As much as I complain when I'm in school, it's all I know about life so far. I'm used to boring classes, assignments, grades I don't care about, racing to get to the finish line, racing to get a degree. I could very easily throw myself into another school, another program, another degree with set requirements that I will plan out and take care of, one by one. But what I can also guarantee is that while I'm doing these said requirements, I'll be listening to music while studying, wondering what else I could be doing with my life. I'm not saying I'm not continuing my education; what I'm saying is that I'm not jumping into another couple of years of paying tuition, stressing about school, and distracting myself from the real world right away. I'm going to do something completely new for me: just be.

I'm just going to live in New York, as I'm doing right now, and take advantage of the unlimited opportunities out there for me, as I've already been doing. I need to see concerts on a regular basis. I want to keep writing about music. I want to keep doing my own creative writing, on my own time. I want to keep learning from real-life experiences instead of the classroom. I want to meet people I never would find at college. I want to stay up late writing, sleep in on weekdays, and do freelance work on my own time. I want to not only write music reviews, but become fully immersed in the music industry, interviewing bands and telling their stories through articles. I want to master fiction, non-fiction, poetry, and creative non-fiction. I want to teach what I love as I keep learning. One day, I will travel around the world and continue to teach and learn. I want to find out what it's like to live without technology, where having a home is considered a luxury. I have so much left to do with my life that I can't even fit all my ideas onto paper. And I won't be able to do any of them if I don't open my eyes and step outside of my comfort zone. Grad school will always be there. If I want to get my MFA, I'll do it. I've always been able to get what I really wanted if I worked hard enough (well, in most cases). The issue now, though, is coming to terms with what I really want - right now - just me, not thinking about what I should do, or what anyone else has told me.

This is my life, which I'm starting anew -- remembering the past, holding onto the good stuff, but mostly, moving forward to seek out what I've only dreamed about in the farthest corners of my imagination.

And then the real question is, as my mom always says, "Is the world ready for you?"